Facts About Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle’s full name is Bullwinkle J. Moose.

Bullwinkle was 7 feet tall and had hands, which was odd for a Moose.

He spoke with a lisp. Probably due to his large lips.

Bullwinkle resided with is friend Rocket J. Squirrel in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

Bullwinkle’s pet name for Rocket, (which is strange because most people don’t keep squirrels as a pet), was Rocky. They were obviously gay. They lived together in a long term relationship for many years. They were not married. Same sex marriage is illegal in Minnesota.

Bullwinkle has an Honorary Degree from Wossamotta U. because of his plans to foil his communist rival Boris Badenov. Boris was not gay; he had an anorexic girlfriend named Natasha who always wore black and too much make-up. - She smoked too. - Boris and Natasha were not married and there is no indication that they ever had any children that lived.

Boris never knew the couples names. He always called them “Moose and Squirrel”.

Bullwinkle was never really smart. In fact, he was a dim-wit, clueless, a real dunce. Rocky on the other hand was smart and generally saved the day. Rocky was obviously the “girl” in the relationship. This was evident in the way he talked and because women tend to be the smarter sex.

However Bullwinkle would sometimes dress in women’s clothes.

Bullwinkle liked poetry. His favorite poem was “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth, although he often couldn’t recite it correctly.

He liked magic but he could never pull a rabbit out of a hat. Despite the attempts from his lover to warn him when he said, “Bullwinkle, that trick never works” he would do it anyway. Rocky was right, that trick never worked. Another indication that Rocky was the "girl" because men never listen to women.

Bullwinkle was very talented. He could drive a car, fly a plane, water ski, mountain climb, play tennis, build bombs, shot, play football, wax cars, and build a functioning windmill from a moving crate. He did a lot of other stuff too but we’ll leave it at that.

Bullwinkle was very witty all though most would say that it was a dumb wit. Which directly correlates to the term “dim-wit”.

Bullwinkle died in 1993 while visiting Alaska. He was killed when a bullet fired by Sarah Palin pierced his chest. He was 64 years old.

Rocky, (now bed ridden after he was struck by a car while trying to get a nut from another gay squirrel), lives in seclusion in Frostbite Falls.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Paper: More Than Just A Way To Make An Airplane

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Okay - a year. But I want to remind you that elephants are pregnant for 21 months.

Safe to say I have them beat.

Anyway, it hasn’t been a total loss. I have written…er ah…stuff. You know…stuff. Screenwriting stuff. Characters and dialogue with some occasional narrative…stuff.

Any day now I expect to put all that stuff into my next screenplay. That way I’ll have even more stuff.

Hey, but always remember, if shit goes really bad, 100 lbs. of paper is worth like 30 cents. Ever weighed a script? Well, a regular script not one of Kevin Costner’s. If you have like 50 scripts, you can make like 30 cents.

It’s more money than some of them are making now.

- From the letters on the Bent Keyboard.

When You Got It Bad

To write movies you have to dig movies. Let's face it, if it isn't something you like, chances are you won't be good at it.

The other day I found myself watching a movie when all of the sudden I realized, I have it bad.

The movie is called OCULTO. It is a Spanish Language film produced in 2005. Now I speak Spanish, very poorly I might add, but for the most part I had no idea what any of the characters were saying.

But that didn't cause me not to enjoy the film.

The one thing about OCULTO is that in my estimation it was well written. It must have been. After all I knew exactly what was going on and I understood little of what the characters were saying. I figure that's the mark of a good film. In fact if memory serves me correctly Steven Spielberg once had a quote about watching a movie with the sound off. As I said, unfortunately I can't remember the exact quote but you get the idea.

This in itself however is the beauty of a good film. You can go places and literally not speak the language. In the end I figure this is where the writing comes in. Does it allow you to visit and dwell for 120 minutes in a world you would not ordinarily go? This of course is the mission of all who sit at a word processor, and try to put on paper for the world to see, what is locked in a mind.

As movies good, my language disadvantage prevents me from saying if OCULTO is a great film or not. But because I sat and watched a movie in a language that is not my own, I would say at the very least it is a good film.

Yep, I have it bad - and thank God I do.

- From the letters on the Bent Keyboard.

Who Writes This Shit?!

I write shit. Wait, let me rephrase that…I mean, I write things that may become shit.

Now, that’s better.

You see I sit in a small room and make up conversations, places, and a few action details and then write them down on pieces of paper. You say you know a guy like that in the Mental Ward? Well there’s a big difference between him and me. Maybe not – but that’s not the point.

Anyway, once I write these things down, I pile them into and apple cart and peddle them around Hollywood. All in the hopes that one day someone with a Blackberry and over-developed ego will buy those pages from me, and turn them into a movie.

Yes I know it’s a stab in the dark, but what a joy it is to watch them say “no”. I’ve been told “no” so many different ways, that I often have to rewind the conversation just to make sure “no” meant “no”. Hell I’ve been told “no” more times than a pimple faced high school geek with an over active sex drive.

But still I find myself typing away at my bent keyboard, all the while hoping that one day… one bright sunny day – “no” becomes, “So, how much do you want to Option this for?”

That’s not “yes” by the way, but it isn’t “no”.

Of course when “no” does become “yes”, some guy who calls himself a Director might just turn it all to shit.

See, I told you I write shit.